About Me

Hummm, I think to myself as I begin to write something about me, what do I want you to know?  How do I want to describe myself?  Who am I in relation to this blog?  Heck, who am I period?  I can describe myself in any number of ways, providing the context for you to know me in and through my writing.  As an author, I am also an artist ~ portraying myself however I choose.  Lucky you; lucky me.  Let the painting begin:

I woke up one day and I was 60 years old.  Bam!  There I was, connected to the number 60 that defined my age.  Because 60, along with all the other ages, come with their own societal connotations that define us.  A post about these social constructions that define us, our life, and our behavior are best left for another sitting, because I really want to stay as focused as I can here.

So, I’m here at 60 now – edging toward 61 in a couple of months – realizing the extent to which I have been living within the pool of fear all my life.  Pool, heck it’s no pool, more like a swamp: murky, dark, harsh, and not a healthy place to be.

This ‘ah-ha’ moment came a couple of days before I left for my month-long “Photo-Journaling Adventure” road trip, part of my research for my Dissertation [more on that later].  While pulling out an old photo album to take to the Kinne Kousin Reunion in McCall, Idaho, an envelope fell out, and inside were many pictures of me when I was about 5 months old.  I could barely pull out the photos before beginning to cry.  Looking into the eyes of my 5-month-old self, I saw the terror I felt, the fear I lived.

[A brief note here to draw attention to the phrase “the fear I lived” and my conscious choice not to say “the fear I lived in.”  Two very different experiences.  I didn’t live “in” fear, as if it were part of the air within the rooms of the house, or even that I lived “in” a house, oh no.  I embodied fear, I lived with fear inside me.  It coursed through veins and synapses, and was how I saw my world – as something to be terrified of.]

OK, bada-bing, I got it, deeply and pervasively I got it.  So now what?  What’s a 60-year-old girl gonna do?  Being the stubborn womyn that I am, I’m turning to face it – damn old ugly thing!  I don’t have a lot of experience in being brave, but I am a great -and successful- student who knows how to research.  Some time ago, I found Brené Brown‘s work and have since become a student and advocate of it.  Check it out.

So who am I?  What do I want you to know about me?  Well, for one thing, I want both of us to know that I am learning to be courageous and brave as I put myself ‘out there’ for you to see [via this blog and my dissertation], and as I delve deeply into the dark, murky recesses of the interior spaces [via the “Photo-Journaling Adventure”].

I’ll post pictures as I learn the technology.

Thanks for being here.

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